


Firestar Takes a Stand

by 0Rocky41_7



Category: Warriors - Erin Hunter
Genre: BloodClan, Crack, Gen, The Darkest Hour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-08
Updated: 2013-04-08
Packaged: 2017-12-07 22:04:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/753592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/0Rocky41_7/pseuds/0Rocky41_7
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a spoof on the battle scene between Tigerclan and Bloodclan, and Thunderclan. Clearly, Firestar has had just enough of Tigerstar's attempts to destroy him. I mean really, it gets old!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Firestar Takes a Stand

“Look, Firestar,” Tigerstar began calmly again. Suddenly rage surged in Firestar. He stepped forward boldly, despite the fearsome rows of Shadowclan, Riverclan and Bloodclan warriors.

“No, you look Tigerstar. I’m sick of you, you overgrown toadstool. You pussbellied bloatsack, you haven’t the brains of a flea, you no one here could look at your face and honestly be scared of you. Your courage couldn’t till the jaws of a mouse and you stand here making threats to _me?_ The greatest leader the forest has ever seen? I, the almighty Firestar? Cower before me, fool!”

Tigerstar stood staring, mouth agape. “There’s no need-”

“To be so harsh?” Firestar interrupted. “What’s wrong? Did I hurt the little kitty’s feelings?” he asked in a mocking tone. “You’re pathetic, Tigerstar. You and you’re ridiculous overgrown claws. Look at those things, they look like rodent teeth! Is that the look your going for? Shall I call you Rodentclaw?”

Snickers were coming up from the amassed Thunderclan and Windclan cats. Scourge looked at Tigerstar, who was still speechless. Blackfoot stepped forward a bit. He looked at Firestar.

“You just really need to calm down, sir,” he meowed.

“Shut up, you big baby,” Firestar answered. He looked back at Tigerstar. “You know yo mama’s so poor once I sat down on her skateboard and she said ‘Get off my couch!’”

“Don’t talk about my mother!”

“Your mother looked at you when you were born and you were so ugly she couldn’t tell which end was your head. Although it might have been because she was more brainless than a freshly hatched chick. “ Firestar contemplated this briefly.  “And not to mention you can’t even seem to hold down a girlfriend. First Goldenflower, then that thing with Leopardstar, and what’s this I hear about a Sasha?”

“Who’s Sasha?!” Leopardstar broke in. She was ignored.

“You must have some serious commitment issues. And you’ve passed those onto your kids, I mean look at Tawneypaw! She can’t even pick a clan! And now this laughable attempt to take over the forest? Take a chill pill snackshack, your ego is WAY out of proportion!”

He went on insulting Tigerclaw and the chuckles from Lionclaw grew into yowls of mirth. The apprentices (and Graystripe) were beside themselves, rolling on the ground with laughter.

“Come on, Lionclan,” Firestar meowed at last, turning his back on Tigerclan. “Let’s blow this popsicle stand.”

Lionclan started to file out of Fourtrees.

“Hey!” Tigerstar called tremulously, blinking away tears. “Come back! I will destroy you!”

In response, Firestar blew a loud raspberry.

“Well, I think we’ve seen enough,” Scourge grunted, rising up from where he had been sitting and leading Bloodclan out. He shook his head at Tigerstar as he passed. “Poor Tigerclan. Your leader really is a wimp.”

“Hey!” Tigerstar yelped. Fury pulsed through his veins. He stepped forward to attack Scourge.

“Oh, you wanna go? Bring it on, lunchbox!” Scourge taunted.

But at that moment, a meteorite blasted through the atmosphere and crushed Tigerstar and Scourge into mushy roadkill. Bone laughed.

“Losers.”

Leopardstar looked at Riverclan. “Well boys, looks like meat’s back on the menu!” she yowled


End file.
